Authentic- Adjective. Not False or Copied. Genuine; real.
A few months ago I embarked on a journey to becoming my most authentic self for several of reasons. Mainly because I was extremely tired of truly being someone that I wasn’t. I had this facade going on and it took me awhile to admit what I was doing and what was going on. I wasn’t putting myself first, my wants, needs and I sure as hell wasn’t taking my feelings into consideration. I was compromising myself to please others and to live by what they deemed to be the right way to live. A lot of people live their lives differently, which meant that I was living my life differently with each crowd or individual that I spent the most time with.
I was the woman who always wanted the commitment but would end up playing it off that I wasn’t, because it was what some of my girlfriends were doing and portraying. Monkey see, Monkey do. I would go out every weekend because I wanted my friends to think that I was there with them and for them all the time. Yet there were so many times when I simply wanted to be at home trying to figure out who I truly was. Trying to figure out what was really me and what was not me. Trying to figure out what actions were from a state of fear of ending up without friends and wanting these people to like me and what actions were coming from the authentic version of me. Then I remember for a long time I spent desiring so many things but I wouldn’t notice these things coming my way. If you’re familiar with the Law of Attraction then you know that wanting creates more wanting and thinking about lack creates more lack and thoughts of lack and the list goes on and on. I’ll speak more on the Law of Attraction in a different post. I kept desiring wanting to things to be different, I kept wanting things to change and to be better. I went online and did so much research to figure out what was wrong with me, or what was it that I was doing so wrong that prevented me from being able to experience a better life with a happier me. Then thanks to the help from my great friend the internet and some amazing leaders out there such as Rhonda Byrne, Gabrielle Bernstein, Abraham Hicks; I realized a pattern. By listening to some of their recordings and reading their books I realized that I wasn’t doing something right. Not only was I not trusting that things would change for the better but I was hanging out with people who wanted me to believe that thinking of a better life was only for fairy tales. Thinking of having a great harmonious relationship with someone who truly loved me and appreciated me and genuinely loved me for me was a fairy tale for them and was non-existent. Thinking that my finances and that my home life would get better was a “keep dreaming” type of vibe for them or that’s going to take a lot of effort and work.
These motivational speakers/leaders tell you that you have to live as if what you want already exists, as if these things are already in your life. That would leave me puzzled. Then I realized that a huge piece of the puzzle for this is you have to be living an authentic life. If you’ve ever heard, “Envision yourself and envision how you’re dressed for this job/career. Envision your behavior, characteristics, body language, and most importantly your feelings when you have that perfect relationship.” How the hell was I possibly going to be able to do that? All my crowd knew was the fucked up lives we had lived. Therefore, how could I possibly ever even think that I could create such beautiful things when the crowd I knew believed that you can only expect the worst. I had to dig deep and I had to do a lot of things that I was not comfortable doing. When I started doing these things I noticed a shift within me. I started reading books and filling my head with better thoughts. I turned off the TV in order to avoid getting sucked back into old programming. I cut ties with all of my former romantic interests, because lets face it. Why the hell would you think that anything new can flourish while you’re still “friends” with an ex? The only exception is if you have kids with an ex of course. I stopped hanging out with the crowds who wanted to continue filling my head with negative ideas and thoughts. Mind you, this is still something that I am processing. I still find it tricky to stay away from certain people. It’s a process and it takes discipline. I remind myself that I matter, my emotional well being matters, what I’m listening to matters.
Without you being the real you, how can you possibly think that anything around you is going to get better? If you’re pretending to be someone else or allowing fears to determine your actions and what you think and if you continue being someone else, you’re not going to get anywhere. People don’t say be authentic to piss you off, people tell you to be authentic if you truly want things to get better. When I started becoming a more authentic version of myself, everything that I wanted just started flowing to me a lot easier and a lot faster. Those quotes that say, “Your new life is going to cost you your old life,” are completely true. You can’t get to anywhere holding on to things that don’t resonate with the version that you thought of in your head while you were envisioning the better you with the better life. Nothing changes unless you change.
Allow me to reintroduce myself. My name is Cynthia, I’m a social butterfly when I’m around the right people but I’m also an introvert. I absolutely love reading, I love meditating, working out, and speaking about spirituality. I’m a horror movie freak who also loves going out and having a great time with others. I enjoy socializing with like minded individuals and I can get stuck speaking about self-development and spirituality for hours as well as other interesting topics. I’m a Hopeless Romantic who still believes that great men and women exist. Who still believes that you can have an amazing relationship like the ones my “friends” deemed to be straight from a fairy tale. I now believe that we truly can have everything that we want just as so long as we’re being our true selves and if we move in the direction of the things that we want. I do enjoy drinking on occasions and I’m extremely loud and make my presence known. I love laughing and I love going to concerts. I love music and I have a dream of making a positive difference in peoples lives. I am kind, generous, loving, spontaneous, charismatic, and my energy sometimes introduces me before I have the chance to introduce myself. I am a dreamer and most importantly I put myself first now. I am not afraid to decline an invitation for the sake of making sure my thoughts and energy maintain in alignment with what I’ve created. I’m sure there’s more to me, but that’s what I’m willing to say for now. I wish you all the best of luck on your journey and hope that you all find what you’re looking for. I hope that you all become the best version of yourselves, the best real versions of yourself and not what people are telling you to become.
The path to being the most authentic version of yourself is the road less traveled because it’s scary. People don’t know what they are outside of their fears, victim stories, friends, relationships, careers, etc., and that’s why people don’t like to do it. People also think that they shouldn’t have to give up anything to get something that they want, but if you’re not really being authentic the only thing you’ll be losing is a version of yourself that was never you to begin with. It’s just in your head to think that it is/was.