There’s a reason or I should say there are reasons as to why we see a lot of people in relationships that they’re not happy with, or we also see the people who are tearing apart a potential relationship because of countless of reasons that aren’t even the real reason for them doing that. Let me tell you some of the most common mistakes we make.
1. Fear – You push great people away because of fear. Fear that you’ll get hurt again, fear that you could lose someone, fear that you might mess something up during the relationship so you keep someone at arms distance the entire time, fear that you may repeat a cycle from our past, fear that you might be choosing someone who could potentially be “Wrong”, and the list for fear goes on and on. You fear things to happen that haven’t even happened, probably won’t even happen, and aren’t even happening. You create stories of why something won’t work but you never really give it a chance, in reality what you’re really doing is you’re not giving yourselves a chance.
2. Illusion of Perfect – A lot of you have gotten into the habit of creating this illusion of what you think a perfect relationship should be. How the relationship needs to unfold and how the person should be. Except there’s something completely wrong with that, it’s not by any means something that will keep you in a relationship long term. This doesn’t mean stick with a person who mistreats you, degrades you, or looks down on you and the person that you are every second they are able to. What this means is this, understand that we’re all trying to get our lives together. Nobody has it all together 100% percent, we all have our moments where we make questionable decisions, where we sometimes realize we could have behaved a lot more mature. There is no perfect, stop asking your friends about how their relationship unfolded. Stop asking people how long it took them to establish something within their relationship, stop asking people how you should handle your situation because sometimes these people answer from a place of hurt or lack of experience. Go at your own pace and always let things unfold naturally. Avoid letting this vision of perfection fade away, chances are you have something great brewing but because you have this illusion of perfection, guess what? You shoot it away before it even has a chance to turn into something great. Understand that we ALL have flaws and that we are always growing and learning and maturing.
3. Instant Gratification – If at any moment someone doesn’t stick around with you it’ll be mainly because they were seeking perfection and OR they were too impatient to allow things to unfold at a natural pace. Sometimes people have certain voids they’re trying to fill and they actually think they’re after a relationship. So when you don’t move at the pace that they find comfortable and what they deem normal, they end up going away. A lot of people are looking for quick fixes, so when they don’t get that they end up going to get their fix. This isn’t always the case with everyone, some people don’t realize they’re doing this. In fact, it takes a lot of awareness for people to understand that they’re doing that to begin with. Instant gratification comes from the ego, the ego loves to tell you that things aren’t moving along quick enough, or that you’re not getting the attention that you should be getting, and it goes on and on.
This is just me barely touching the surface of this topic. This goes way deeper than the things that I just mentioned here. If you want to break the cycle of perfection, start by forgiving yourself for not being perfect and treat yourself and others with respect and with the same love and kindness that you want for yourself. Your need for perfection keeps you from seeing that these people and situations are perfectly imperfect, and that’s real. Perfectly imperfect is beautiful. Stop running away from something that could very well be amazing simply because your ego is telling you that things aren’t what you think they should be. Put your armor down and set sail into smoother waters by simply just enjoying what comes your way. You’re not perfect, so don’t expect everything and everyone else to be perfect.