Defense Mechanism in Relationships

As I speak to more people I realize there is something that a lot of us have in common. We all have similar defense mechanisms. Regression, Acting Out, Isolating people, projection, amongst many other things. The interesting thing is that it never has to resort to any of this. In other words, we start to build resentment at times towards certain people because of certain behaviors and actions or lack of. When in reality we all fail to realize that we’re all really simply feeling a certain type of way. The funny thing is that all of those things that we sometimes do can be talked about. Whether it be in a romantic relationship or other, the people involved can simply sit down and discuss their reasoning for why they’re behaving the way that they are. It’s truly that simple.

We use these defense mechanisms to avoid a similar situation that has happened to us before to happen again. We more than likely vowed to ourselves that we would do everything in our power to never feel that way again, or we vowed to ourselves that we just simply wouldn’t allow ourselves to feel again, period. Except there is something extremely wrong with this. We are sabotaging ourselves from ever experiencing something that can be truly amazing. All because we get scared that the same thing can repeat itself over again, except there is also something wrong with that thinking as well. The same thing can’t happen all over again, unless you truly want it to happen again. What do I mean by this? We always have choices, we have the ability to choose to speak up when something comes up that we wont stand for. It’s okay to speak up whether you are a man or a woman. It’s okay to say, “This is definitely not something that I’m okay with. You speaking to me like this or like that is not something I will tolerate.” You get where I’m going with this. If at any moment you feel disrespected or as if someone crossed you the wrong way, SPEAK UP! That is the only way that people can come to an understanding of what is acceptable within a relationship and what is not. All it takes is people to come forward and speak up. You can’t not speak up from the fear of thinking that you will hurt someone else’s feelings. You can’t feel bad for speaking up for yourself because that’s the only way that you can assure that you won’t repeat certain things in your life. Communication fixes everything but if someone isn’t quite ready to come forward and speak up be compassionate and understanding towards them and especially towards yourself. We have all been programmed to behave a certain way and think a certain way for so long that it can be tricky to truly let all of that go from one day to another.

Understand that these defense mechanisms are there because it’s what we at times think is the best thing to do for the given situation. We think we know best but at times it’s just us sabotaging ourselves and sabotaging whatever potential comes our way. I challenge you to finally speak up and tell someone why you behave the way that you do. You will be surprised by the reaction the person may give to you. It’ll open up the lines of communication for you. It’ll show you that great things come when we start to break down the walls we built up.

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